The Guidance Guy

Dear Guidance Guy,

I have two friends. One is a boy and the other a girl. They both secretly like each other. I know they are in love with each other because they both told me seperately they like the other.

Here's the problem: Both their parents won't let them date until they are 16 and I can't get them to tell the other one that they like each other. I know I shouldn't force them, but It's really annoying how they don't tell the other when they both know they like each other. The biggest problem of all though, is that I like the boy (I'm a girl).

Sincerely,
Stuck In The Middle and In Love With It Too

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Dear Stuck,

If your two friends are too shy to talk to each other about their feelings, they aren't ready to date. And nothing you do or say to them is going to change that. Only time will.

If the problem is that you're annoyed by them both talking about this to you, you can change the subject or just tell them you don't think it's a good idea for you to be in the middle. Since you like the boy also, it must not be a lot of fun to hear from your female friend how much she likes him.

And if you like him enough to do something about it, let him know how you feel. You don't have to put your feelings on hold because your friend isn't ready to let him know how much she likes him.

Thanks for your letter,
The Guidance Guy

Dear Readers,

It's finally here!

Dear Guidance Guy...Volume One is out and ready for you. Covering the first year of the Guidance Guy Advice Column and newsletter, this is the book you've been waitng for.


It's got over 150 Questions and Answers. Subjects include:

~ School and Teachers

~ Love and Life

~ Family Issues

~ College and Careers

~ Questions From Parents and Teachers

~ A hilarious section of "Strange But True" letters.

~ Plus a Bonus SPECIAL REPORT section, featuring the best of the Guidance Guy Newsletter and articles.




SPECIAL PRICING UNTIL AUGUST 13!


Because I want to get this important book into as many hands as possible. I've set the price at less than $10.00. Until August 13, Dear Guidance Guy...Volume One is available in downloadable form for $9.77.


Just think, you could be enjoying this great book in less than ten minutes!


But after August 13 the book reverts to it's regular price of $19.77. Still a bargain, but wouldn't it be cool it get it for 1/2 off?


Let me be your guidance counselor from afar. Click here to order Dear Guidance Guy...Volume One.

And while you're at it, check out the the other great books by The Guidance Guy!

On vacation until Wednesday August 9, 2006. I'll catch up with you when I come back (and I'll post some great picture here as well!)

Have a great day!

Larry Hochman
The Guidance Guy

P.S. Summer vacation is coming to an end for many of us...just a few short weeks left! Why not take some time and really get yourself ready for school. Pick up Dear Guidance Guy...Volume One and get some good advice about how your best school year ever!!!

Dear Guidance Guy,

I am a straight A student with a GPA of 95.67 and ranked 23 out of 56 students in high school. I am taking all of the higher level classes, including AP, Gifted, and one or two honors classes. I have many extracurricular activities such as Beta Club, Literary Magazine, and Save SADD. Sounds like I have everything perfectly set for college, right?
Wrong.

My problem is that my SAT scores are shockingly low compared to my other acheivements, and by low I mean not quite breaking 1100 on the old scale. I've tried to do SAT prep books and such, but they aren't really helping me. I think it has to do with the timed factor to the test. I just get really stressed out. I don't know what to do, and I constantly think that I will not be accepted to a nice college in state school because of my SAT scores. Now I have heard that colleges don't base their admissions solely by standardized testing scores, but I feel like it will damage my chances in getting in greatly.

As a rising senior, it is kind of late to improve my scores, since deadlines for applications are in a few months. What should I do? I constantly think that I will not get in and it's eating me away to nothingness. I've been trying to do the ACT instead, but it's not going that great. What advice can you give me?

Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing.
Jenn

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Dear Jenn,

You have four more chances to take the SAT for the 06-07 admissions cycle. But the truth is your scores aren't likely to improve very much if you have already taken it three or more times. So your scores might go up some, but I wouldn't rely on it.

There are three answers to your question. First, keep working with the ACT. I'm not sure what you mean by "trying to do it" but once you get the results you might find an improvement.

Second, assuming the scores don't go up, the best way to deal with it is to take it head-on. A strong essay explaining how your SAT scores aren't a reflection of you as a student and person can do a world of good. They can help the admissions committee understand what your dreams and goals are, and how you can contribute to their college.

And that's the third answer: get crystal clear on WHY you want to go to college and what a great future looks like for you (hint: a good college will help me have a good career isn't enough). I think you're nervous because you think the selectivity of the college is a big factor in deciding what kind of career you'll have. My book, THE GUIDANCE GUY'S SO, YOU WANNA GO TO COLLEGE... covers this topic and a few more you'll find useful.

I like the way you signed your letter. Believing is seeing, not the other way around. Start believing you are more than just the scores on your SAT, and your GPA, etc. You'll start to see a big world that needs good people like you, no matter what college they attend.

All The Best,
The Guidance Guy

Dear Guidance Guy,

I graduated sixth grade but I feel like when I get to 7th grade either I am not going to do so well or kids are going to make fun of me for being teacher's pet. I dont want to be
teacher's pet. But I also don't want to get in trouble. What can I do to make sure I am not teacher's pet but also so that I don't get in trouble?

Confused


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Dear Confused,

It depends on what you mean by teacher's pet. If you mean spending more time with the teachers than with other students, just make sure most of your time is around other kids. If teacher's pet means you are respectful, well-behaved and a good student, don't change a thing. I promise you will not be the only kid who wants to do well and stay out of trouble. And that can be the group of kids who are your friends.

And here's some more good news: as you get older the kids who are successful in school become more popular and have more choices after they graduate. Looks like you're in for a good ride!

Thanks for your letter,
The Guidance Guy

Dear Guidance Guy,

I have a giant problem! First, I must say that school is very important to me and I hate it when I miss even one day. This brings me to my problem. I just found out I am pregnant. I've taken two pregnancy tests, both positive. I'm scared to tell my parents.

I don't know how I'm going to stay in school and take care of a baby at the same time! I'll be going into grade eight when school returns, and I was wondering if I could somehow learn at home. You know, have the lessons brought to me. Has this ever been done before? Please help!

Messed Up

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Dear Messed Up,

The first thing that needs to happen is for you to tell your parents. You need to confirm with a doctor that you're pregnant and you will need proper prenatal (before baby) medical care. This isn't just for you - this is for your baby. Given your age, this is very important.

I'm sure you are scared, and of course you know within a few weeks it will be obvious something is changing in your body. You will feel so much better when the truth is out, and any decisions that need to be made can be worked through by both you, your parents and (if you choose) the father of the baby. This includes information about schooling. Many school districts have special programs for students who are expecting babies. Being tutored at home is one possibility. Going to a school for pregnant students may be another choice. And being home schooled by your parents is another choice.

If you are too scared to tell your parents by yourself, see if there is another relative or family friend you trust who can go with you. And if a counselor or someone else from school is available, that's another choice. But please do this soon.

You have a lot to think about, including the circumstances that got you pregnant at such a young age. Having a child before going into high school will be a life-changing experience. You have to plan for two people now, not just yourself. Please let the people who love you work with you on the most important issue of your life.

Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy

Dear Guidance Guy,

I have a teacher who favors the boys. When a student in my class asked him why the only response he gave was "how many female teachers did you have in grade school." But this is not grade school and all of the girls are fed up with it. We tried bringing it to the principal's attention but he just blew it off. Even the boys in this class admit to the unfair treatment, but they refuse to do anything in helping us change it because they like the favoritism in their favor. How can I make this teacher change his ways?

Sincerely,
Fighting for Fairness

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Dear Fighting,

There have been lots of studies that show boys often get called on more often to answer questions than boys. There have also been studies that show girls often are called "Sweetie" or "Honey" etc. while boys are called by their names. These behaviors can make girls feel like they aren't as smart or as important as the boys.

It's cool that you recognize it and have taken a step towards doing something about it. The answer he gave was not cool.

Let's assume your teacher really would like to be fair to both male and female students but he doesn't think you're telling the truth. Figure out exactly how he favors the boys. If it's by calling on them more often, make a list of the number of times he calls on boys vs. girls and do it for a whole week. Of course, don't let him know you're doing it. If it's some other behavior find a way to prove it objectively, again in a way that he doesn't know about.

At the end of the time you're doing it bring it to his attention. Don't yell, just show him your results. This may bring about a change. If it doesn't, you (and your parents) have something to go on. You can bring it to the principal of the school or whoever else you think would help. Maybe even bringing it to an administrator from your board of education is a possibility.

But the main message I want you to get is that you're only a victim if you allow yourself to be. I think it's great you're not rolling over and accepting what you think is unfair treatment. Now go and find the best way to change things for the better.

Thanks for your letter,
The Guidance Guy

Dear Guidance Guy,

Many times, I've heard the phrase, "do your best and that's all that matters," (and other variations of that), but what if my best causes someone to make me feel inferior?

I am a straight A honors student going into grade 10, and even though my grades are really good, my father always makes me feel inferior. I once brought home a 98% in socials and I was very proud of myself because socials is my worst subject. All my dad did was look at it and say "you have to do better."

He always says that, "you have to do better." Even though I have told him time after time, this is the best I can do, he continues telling me I have to do better.Just last semester, I accomplished the grade of 100% in my English honors class and I was incrediably proud, obviously. I went home and I told my parents and all my dad said was "you could have done more bonus work."

I realize my dad may be trying to encourage me to do better in some strange way, but I'm doing the best I can do and he doesn't seem to realize that. The one time I didn't get straight A's, I was very mad at myself. I got all B's but I was going through a rough time. My great-grandfather had just died, my friend had commited suicide and another friend was trying to commit suicide. With all that, straight B's doesn't look so bad, does it?

I've tried telling my dad that he's making me feel bad about myself, I've told him I'm trying the best I can, but he doesn't seem to get it. I've even cried (not by choice) when he told me to do better, and that should get through to him because I'm not one to cry very often. I'm sick of my dad hurting my self-esteem, which could use a boost after living with my brothers. I know that he shouldn't be bugging me and it's only my opinion that matters, but my pride is being shattered every time he tells me to do better. I've tried doing everything I can think of, and I just don't know what to do anymore. Any advice?

Signed,
Trying Her Best, But Still Not Good Enough.

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Dear Trying,

If everything you say is true - that you're doing great but your father isn't satisfied, that your self-esteem is in pieces and that you've told him how you feel but nothing is improving - it's time to put some emotional distance between him and you. You don't have to be angry with him. In fact I encourage you not to be angry. It will just get in the way of the emotional recovery you'll have to go through.

Your dad may be trying to encourage you to do better, but there are parts of life much more important than grades. A loving, stable environment that you can build on when you go out into the world is more important for most people than how they did in any class. On some level we all know this, including your father. He either forgot or has some kind of deep hurt himself that is not allowing his love for you to come out.

Which brings me to a question...where is your mother in all of this? Is she part of the family unit? You didn't mention anything about her, so I'm guessing she's not in the picture. This could certainly have something to do with why he has a hard time expressing himself.

But none of that is your responsiblity or your job to heal. Start reading books about self-esteem and self-love. There is a whole big section in bookstores. Some are specifically for teens. My two favorites are Chicken Soup for The Teenage Soul and How To Juggle (and Change Your Life Forever). Of course, I wrote How To Juggle, so I'm a little prejudice!

Surround yourself with positive messages about yourself, whether it's from people, books, audios, videos or anywhere else. Screen out people who put you down, make you feel bad, or want to dump all their troubles on you. I'm a little concerned with the fact that two of your friends are suicidal. What kind of people are you attracting into your life?

This may seem like a lonely journey at first, but I guarantee you there are many other people your age who are looking for fun, self-assured joyous people in their lives. Remind yourself constantly how great you are and these great people will start showing up in your life like magic!

And here's your first reminder...you are a smart, sensitive wonderful young adult who will come out of this strong, confident and happy.

All The Best,
The Guidance Guy